Just throw in the towel already

Seriously? I'm considering throwing in the towel. All of the towels. The whole goddamn linen closet. Am I disillusioned in thinking that I can actually write something worth publishing? Today, the answer is yes. Yes, I am disillusioned. Not "yes I can write something worth publishing". Because really, I'm not so sure of that anymore. I've already got enough insecurities about my writing (doesn't everyone?), but sometimes (on days like today) I wonder if those who support & believe in my writing are only feeding my disillusionment. If their support is only because they love me, because they are friends/family, because they support me out of obligation to our relationship rather than really believing in my work.

Okay. So, I know one person who truly believes in my work & believes that I should already have tons of (published) stuff out there for people to read. But that still doesn't change how I feel about my writing today, about my vocation to be a writer.

I should just forget the whole thing.

(Can you tell I just got a rejection letter today? The difference is that this rejection stands out from all of the others. This submission, I felt, had a real shot at acceptance. I can't help but take this rejection personally because of additional reasons (but reasons that are not valid - I am reacting to the rejection very badly). And this rejection only further solidifies my feelings of being behind among my peers. So yeah, I should just forget the whole goddamn thing.)

Maybe I should be a legal assistant. At least there's money there.

Or go back to school & be a PhD nerd.

Forget this writing thing.